Striving to be better.
Striving for perfection.
It’s funny how messages from the Universe (God, Creator, Spirit or whatever energy you align with) will appear in your life, and can quite forcibly let you know if you chose to ignore them.
Racing in China was such a huge deal for me.
I had 8 weeks to get my body and mind back to condition from an all time physical, mental and emotional low.
Now 8 weeks is not a long time to get primed for a 16-18 hour prestigious international event but I had 8 weeks to bring myself from rock bottom of spending days in bed and literally wanting to cry when I looked at my bike, not fitting any of my clothes anymore and feeling like a complete useless piece of crap, to 220km of biking, running, paddling, skating and swimming -feeling fast, strong and powerful (except during the 2km swim and 20km Roller Skating ha! 😉 ) to take out 6th place with my amazing team in Suqian, China.
And how do I feel?
And this is obviously why the Universe needed to kick me up the arse.
During my first race I had a great race. I knew it was about me getting my body, mind and spirit in alignment and focusing only on my positive qualities and attributes and having 100% belief in myself (and firmly telling my Ego to take the back seat!)
Oh yes it was tough but I had such a great time joking and laughing and general Monkeying around with my team mates, in between gasping for breath! 😉
After staying up until stupid o’clock the night we finished the race and my body clock waking me at 6am there wasn’t much recovery sleep but I woke feeling great and eager to get on the bike and explore (which we did.)
No rubs, no blisters, no sunburn, slight sore muscles but most importantly an awesome attitude!
To me this was a super successful outcome and was proof to me that this was the start of seeing even bigger things from me for the future.
And also I’d got my mojo back after only 8 weeks.
Now please have it known I wasn’t in the condition that I wanted to be in, however I was focusing on what I was able to do and how amazing my body was, not what I didn’t have.
And where attention goes, energy flows (and you get more of it!)
Unexpectedly I was asked to stay on and race in the Red Bull 2 day stage race on the Great Wall of China. I had the impressive EPIC, 87km Mountain Bike Race booked in in Brisbane however I decided I couldn’t say no to the opportunity to race amongst the best in the World in Adventure Racing and Multisport, and besides travel and adventure flows sooooo fast through my veins and the thought of new challenges and experiences just thrilled me.
I suppose not being prepared or maybe experiencing the energy dip after such a great high, I didn’t adequately prepare myself for the next race.
I of course made sure I got lots of sleep, water, fruit and vegetables, massage, easy recovery runs and rides and spent time in the day exploring (my favourite past time) but I didn’t adequately deal with my spirit side, my ego, my mindset, and this really let me down.
It can be just so easy to pick faults with yourself.
The push to be better, to be faster, to be stronger is of course a great quality but it can come at a cost. To me this is feeding the Ego mind, and success can be difficult, arduous and fleeting at its best if this is the focus.
In a racing situation it is so very easy to get wrapped up in the World of the Ego. You are constantly comparing yourself to others. The obvious – Times, speed, and distance (and at China there is huge prize money for podium placings so even more pressure to perform well.)
There’s also comparing what you look like, who is leaner, looks strong, what type of equipment and gear people have, what people are wearing, what they eat, how they conduct themselves etc. And then there’s the fact that you’re in a team sport so do need to be focused also on your team mates.
But the only thing you should be concerned about is yourself, about being your best, about having your best race but most importantly enjoying the experience. And then when your cup is full it can be used to help and support other people.
They say that only when you go so far do you know how far you can go.
So this year I pushed it a little too hard.
Physically I was probably about at my limit but then mentally I was shoved right over the edge.
Sure being homeless and jobless isn’t a big deal for me having experienced this many times before and knowing I will pop out the other side.
However the anguish of being in this situation and having to manage other people (my clients) and their needs that’s so important to me took a huge toll on me mentally. It’s one thing to have to deal with my life challenges but when it then affects other people, it certainly makes things harder.
I then had the opportunity to travel Brazil (as an avenue to explore a Business idea, as well as tackle another huge physical challenge.) Being one for always grabbing opportunities with 2 hands (quite possibly a slight downfall of mine) I took off with Bike and (heavy!) trailer for 4 weeks.
Day 2 of Brazil and I had a Machine gun pointed at my head. Although I thought I was pretty relaxed about it all and didn’t think it affected me, looking back on day 2, it sure does add another element to ‘adventure travel’ when everyone you meet and everywhere you go you’re subconsciously risk assessing them and your own safety. It certainly puts you in a heightened state and a month of this (plus towing a heavy trailer by bike around the countryside of Brail ) certainly added to my physical, mental and emotional crash when I came back to Brisbane.
So fast forward to Red Bull China.
I didn’t have the right headlights which caused so real issues at night.
I packed the wrong shoes which were almost like slippers (which unbelievably I was able to run nearly 48km in them with no issues!) I broke my chain and got caught in a vine which ripped my right arm – with either sweat or salt water it stung so bad paracetamol didn’t even touch the sides (although I was kept warm at night due to my body’s reaction that kept me burning throughout the cold night in the tent.)
The bike/run section (where 2 team members run and 2 team members bike) I had to use my team mates bike which is probably a Large with the seat as high as it could go. I could barely get my legs over the bar to get on and riding it certainly wasn’t a rest. I was huffing and puffing and working so hard and over the river bed rocks I fell off twice, ripped my pants on Tim’s drink bottle holder and smashed it right off when I fell off again. I was so far behind the guys I had a wee cry to myself as I told myself to just hang in there, my body burning with the harsh sun on the sores and scratches on my legs and arms, the huge ding in my pride and the overhanging doubt over my lack of physical ability…
Now what I’ve learnt over the past few years is that whatever happened I created it.
I don’t believe in such thing as bad or good luck.
When i fall off or get a puncture my bike, get ripped off, find myself being abused at or taken for a ride; I believe I created it.
I believe the Universe puts things in our path to teach us, and the same things will keep appearing (or usually get bigger and more devastating) if you don’t learn the lesson or chose to ignore them.
The great thing about my belief is that whatever happens to me I know I have control over it.
It’s not someone else’s fault (no matter what they do to me) or a freak accident. I created it.
I know my (unsuccessful) race was all my doing.
And mostly from my head.
I got lots of reminders by butterflies during the day (which remind me of my dead Father who is telling me to appreciate and find the beauty in the present moment) but I didn’t really tune in to the message.
I believe I hadn’t adequately prepared my mind and my spirit self and because of that my Ego mind took over and became dominant.
But what a fantastic learning opportunity it gave me yet again!
Having come back to Brisbane (for a week before heading off to another Adventure Race in China) I found a Tarot card upside down in my Office, knowing full well this was another message for me.
And this is what it said to me:
Six of Wands:
This card indicates that you have harnessed your strengths and talents in order to bring about a successful outcome in your endeavours.You have overcome the challenges along the way, and now you are focusing your energies on the one goal that will lead to your success. This is your time to shine and to come out on top.
The Six of Wands is such positive encouragement to believe in who you are and your accomplishments so far. Have faith in what you have personally achieved and how this will be received by others. Do not let fear or guilt stand in the way of your success. You ought to feel proud of what you have achieved and not afraid to hold your head up high and feel worthy of others’ attention.
The Six of Wands focused on creating success and building your personal brand and reputation. You may need to promote yourself more frequently by sharing your success stories with others and encouraging them to follow a similar journey.
Thank you Universe!
Just the messaged I needed to hear!
I have been truly scared to invite people to share in my journey. Who am I to think people would care? Who am I to think I have something important to share? Who the hell am I??!!!
I do know that i am bigger that my fears (and part of me is scared what the Universe could do if I chose to ignore her haha!) and that in taking a leap of faith personally it may help you also take that leap of faith.
So, as maybe some of you may know, I’m on a journey of self discovery and potential.
I have seen the incredible benefits of adopting a plant based (Vegan) lifestyle and believe that this will bring out the best in me for my future Athlete career.
I also believe that this is the best way for both myself and my mental, spiritual and physical health, but also for the planet, the environment and for the greater good and respect to all living things.
I invite you to share in my journey (which will be via Youtube) and my transformation to a World Class Athlete.
I hope to share my highs and lows, with raw honesty and with lots of laughs along the way (the first videos I’ve edited still have me in laughter!) and I hope that in by doing this is might also encourage you to go after the best version of yourself both physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I wish to use myself as example that anything is possible, and that anything can happen.
Do I 100% believe in myself?
But I know how important it is to my success and it is a work in progress.
Come on the transformation journey with me! 🙂
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